And the cheese stands alone

So, my cousin Jeffrey proposed to Crystal. I'm definitely going to be the last of my cousins to marry. Which I do not mind, but I always feel weird at family events. Like I'm the odd one. I usually just spend time with the younger ones because it makes me feel like a kid again and I like going back and seeing things through a child's eye.

I spent time with my grandmother a couple of nights ago and it was good. I picked out an Angel of the Garden for my Willow Tree Angel collection. It was from Granpda Moore & Eural for my graduation. We'd just now gotten around to picking one out because of business and grandpa was sick and then passed on in Sept. He was a gardener which is why I picked it. He always had a big garden. Even into his nineties.

I need to decide what to do with my life. It's like I'm hanging in the balance between childhood and adulthood, but I'm not in college anymore. Although, I have to say that I've LOVING all of my free time now. I never knew what it was like exept for the couple of summers when I wasn't taking classes. I go to a job all day now (which I don't enjoy, but about 15% of the day) and get off about 4:30pm which is nice and one reason I've stayed here as long as I have. I get here about 8:20am and leave at 4:30pm. Any other job I'd be expected to be there at 8am and stay until 5pm.

So... it looks like my options are to move away and work for a bigger company and not have my amazing friends, whom I cherish as family and that give me something look forward to always, close by. Or... I stay here and wait. I've thought about the mission field time and time again, but I don't know how to approach this as a single woman. I do NOT want to go to seminary and be a full-time student. I've spent enough time in the class room. Bottom line: I need to pray about this. I do not pray like I should at all. But It's so frustrating because I used to pray for a husband and a very sincere prayer that the Lord would be making me into a Godly wife, but I've not been blessed with a romantic relationship in a very long time. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong, but at the same time I think, "Why should I start praying again if I did for years and nothing happened?" Oh sure, there were dates, but none amounted to anything.